“‘Even if the mountains were to crumble and the hills disappear, my heart of steadfast, faithful love will never leave you, and my covenant of peace with you will never be shaken,’ says YAHWEH, whose love and compassion will never give up on you.”

Isaiah 54:10 TPT

If I’m honest, I’ve carried wounds I may never share. Not because I’m hiding, but because speaking them aloud could hurt people I care about. I know I’m not the only one.

Many of us live with quiet pain, the kind we’ve tucked away to keep peace or protect someone else’s heart. We smile through it. We show up. But deep down, there’s a bruise that hasn’t fully healed. One of the greatest dangers of walking wounded is that it can distort how we see God, and more tragically, how we receive his love as a perfect Father.

My friend, Miriam, carried herself with confidence and poise.¹ But the more time we spent together, the more I had a growing instinct to tuck her under my wing. Miriam’s facade of self-assurance hid a wounded soul.

At the bar of my kitchen, she explained that her kids’ father abruptly left them. He was only one in a long line of people who crushed her heart. When other girls her age were concerned about Barbies and baby dolls, Miriam lived in nightly terror. For four years, her cousin violated the boundaries of her innocence. Miriam was abandoned by her parents as a teen and raised by an affluent uncle. At nineteen, she moved out and brought her younger siblings to live with her in a small apartment.

An incident after a night out with friends tore the last pieces of her heart. Though she didn’t date much, Miriam reluctantly accepted a ride from an acquaintance following the event. The man gave her a sedation drug on the way home. Then he abused her, threw her from the car, and left her unconscious on the side of the road. She lay there until a stranger found her. In fact, that’s the way she felt her whole life: abused, unwanted, and alone.

As I listened to the story, the reluctance in Miriam’s relationship with God made sense. Few people had been loyal to her. Leaning over my coffee, I gently assured her that the Lord never abandons his children. He was faithful to heal the wounds if given access to her heart. For months I watched Miriam bravely pursue God despite the fears. Brokenness slowly molded into wholeness. Bitterness washed away to reveal joy. She experienced genuine love possibly for the first time.

Through my relationship with Miriam, I began to question why many of us push God away. I have also loved him at arm’s length at times due to my own internal bruises. While browsing blogs from my desk one day, I came across an article titled “When He Leaves.”² The headline jolted my attention, but I wasn’t sure why. I read it repeatedly. When He Leaves. Then I realized… he left. Many of us have had our hearts broken when he or she, whoever that may be, left. And we felt alone holding shattered pieces of our soul in our laps. The absence of any close relationship can cause these intense feelings of isolation. If not mindful, we can filter life through the kaleidoscope of our pain.

What happens when the people who are supposed to be constant in life leave? Or they are present but emotionally detached? All of these factors can contribute to a fear of abandonment, which is possibly the most common and damaging fear of all.³ Based on the research, a large majority of us can be experiencing abandonment issues. It’s no wonder, then, that so many of us wrestle with feeling unseen or unwanted. That ache often starts in childhood.

When a father is absent, emotionally distant, or inconsistent, the pain he leaves behind can echo into adulthood. This Father Wound often shows up as self-doubt, a shaky sense of worth, or difficulty trusting others to stay.⁴ Psychologists have even linked this kind of wound to spiritual struggles, especially when it comes to trusting God.⁵ If the one who was supposed to protect a child fails to do so, it can become difficult to believe the Heavenly Father won’t do the same as an adult.

If fatherlessness feels like an epidemic, mother wounds might be the silent heartbreak few talk about. Some moms were there physically, but not emotionally. Or they made love feel like it had to be earned. Ultimately, a mother can’t give what she never received herself, as is often the case. The absence of that nurturing voice can leave deep-rooted pain, the kind that whispers, I’m unlovable. I’ll never be enough.⁶ Psychology Today outlines several signs that often go unnoticed, like making oneself small, critical self-talk, or codependency.⁷ If left unhealed, these wounds can shape how we see our ultimate Caretaker.

I have allowed the failures of others to affect my view of God. However, my abandonment fears do not define my heavenly Father. Revelation 19:11 says that his name is Faithful and True. God promises more than seven times in Scripture to never abandon his children. That’s a promise for each day of the week.

I encourage you to examine your relationship with God today. Is past pain the filter through which you’re viewing your perfect Father? Are you able to hand him your life, trusting that he will be faithful in return?

Please hear me: we serve a good God. The failures of man—or woman—do not apply to the one who intimately created you. Don’t let your struggles hide God’s goodness from you, friend. He can be trusted to keep his word. The Father is always faithful.

I still remember the day I watched Miriam stand at the altar with a solid and reliable man. As they said, “I do,” a familiar verse drifted through my mind: “He will not leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NKJV).

God is loyally by your side, fiercely working on your behalf, and eternally good. He never fails.

If you’re feeling the effects of a wounded soul today, I’ve been there, and I get it. I invite you to download our free printable Bible Study, Processing Painful Emotions with the Lord, and start your healing journey today. Get your copy here.

Resources:

1. Excerpted from Grace to Grow… p. 47
2. Missy Robinson, “When He Leaves,” Far from Flawless (blog), January 24, 2011, http://farfromflawlesslife.blogspot.com/2011/01/whenheleaves.html.
3. Lisa Fritscher, “Understanding Fear of Abandonment,” VeryWell Mind, June 15, 2020, https://www.verywellmind.com/fear-of-abandonment-2671741.
4. Fatherlessness Symptoms and Spiritual Effects: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-forgiving-life/202103/how-to-heal-from-a-father-wound
5. Fatherlessness Symptoms and Spiritual Effects: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-forgiving-life/202103/how-to-heal-from-a-father-wound
6.  Mother Wound Manifestations: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/un-numb/202311/mending-the-mother-wound
7. Mother Wound Manifestations: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/un-numb/202311/mending-the-mother-wound

Kristel Ward’s devotional, Grace to Grow, was written to ditch anxiety and dive head-first into God’s purpose. Grace to Grow can be found on kristelward.com and all major book retailers.