I’m a grace teacher. So it’s no surprise that in my coaching and spiritual direction practice, I’m less interested in convincing my directees of their sin and more interested in convincing them of their righteousness in Christ. 

This wide pendulum swing from my own sin-obsessed, fear-driven spiritual upbringing came about when I discovered that grace moves people into real and lasting repentance far better than shame. It’s how Jesus did it, so it’s how I’m going to do it.

But here’s the thing.

Even when grace-led repentance happens, limiting beliefs about the Father’s character can linger on, fueling confusion and doubt. Especially for those of us with trauma.

Yes, “I’m forgiven.” (See Psalm 103:12)
Then why do I feel shame and self-loathing?

Yes, “It is finished.” (See John 19:30)
So how am I still a sinner?

Yes, “I’m loved.” (See 1 John 4:9-10)
But should I be worried about God’s wrath?

It begs the honest, searching question I hear from so many: “Is God mad at me?”

God’s grace may be simple, but it’s not easy to accept, let alone receive. Especially when doing so contradicts our long-standing assumptions about who God the Father really is—and why Jesus, his Son, really had to die.  

Good In Theory, Triggering in Practice

Growing up Christian can be a mixed bag—especially for people who simultaneously experience emotional, physical, and religious trauma. When people are conditioned to see the Gospel through a lens of fear and abuse, the good news can be hard to find.

Let’s peek at some timeless teachings that can be triggering for people with trauma.  

Take Justification Theory, for example.

The Gospel Coalition describes justification as, “God’s gracious judicial verdict in advance of the day of judgment, pronouncing guilty sinners, who turn in self-despairing trust to Jesus Christ, forgiven, acquitted of all charges and declared morally upright in God’s sight.”¹

Good, in theory. But here’s how it may look through a trauma lens:

If Jesus made it “just-as-if-I’d-never-sinned” as my pastor emphatically promised, then why am I still being bullied to the altar to keep that proverbial slate wiped clean? This binge and purge sin cycle feels like hell on earth. If I’m still on thin ice with God, maybe “it [wasn’t] finished” after all.

The trauma takeaway? God’s mad at me.

Consider also Penal Substitutionary Atonement Theory.

The Gospel Coalition once again makes it pretty plain. “As the name suggests, the claim that Christ’s death paid a penalty (“penal”). As Christ did not deserve a penalty, he was paying it for others (“substitutionary”). And, the result of Christ’s paying this price for others is that we are now forgiven (“atonement”).”²

Good, in theory. But here’s how it may look through a trauma lens:

God was ready to rage against humankind, and Jesus had to come and save us from an angry and abusive Father who we should be afraid of. Oh, and apparently I can never repay the favor, so I should stop trying and just love my abuser. Jesus died on a cross, and I put him there.

The trauma takeaway? God’s mad at me.

And we can’t forget middle-school teachings on purity.

Eighties and nineties “Purity Culture” promoted abstaining from sex until marriage, and in some cases discouraged dating. The wildly popular “True Love Waits” campaign leveraged youth conferences, books, rings, and purity pledges to discourage teens from sexual activity.³

Good, in theory. But here’s how it may look through a trauma lens:

When my youth leader methodically stripped a crimson rose of its petals to illustrate how every kiss, every touch, every premarital sexual encounter—whether I’d consented to them or not—lessened my value and humanity, I gave up. What was the point of trying to be pure if I was already damaged beyond repair?  

The trauma takeaway? God’s mad at me.

Beloveds, I know I’m picking on a handful of precious doctrines, tight-knit theologies, and admittedly well-meaning movements. This is not a case for or against any particular line of thinking or practice, nor is it an attempt to dilute or dismiss biblical truth based on experience. This is, however a case for grace-filled, trauma-informed teaching that represents the Father’s true character.

And so I humbly offer some trauma-informed shifts in perspective that could change the way we see God forever—through a lens of grace.

Finding Good News through a Lens of Grace

People can easily receive good news as bad news out of context. And for people with trauma, their entire view of the world is out of context.

As teachers of the Gospel, we must love our audience as much as we love our message. This demands we consider not only scriptural context, but life context as well. We owe it to the ones we love and lead to clarify our Christian narratives so that the Father and the Son can be seen in their rightful roles.

Imagine for a moment, that we led with the good news instead of shame and confusion.

What’s the good news about justification? Righteousness!

Jesus was characteristically moved with compassion. To defeat death, he had to move—to take his presence and power straight to the source to liberate the ones he loved. When he rose again, you were declared righteous by God in Christ and restored back into right relationship with your Creator.

“For God made the only one who did not know sin to become sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God through our union with him.”

2 Corinthians 5:21 TPT

The trauma-informed takeaway: God’s not mad at me.

If God says I’m righteous, I must be! I know I can be with his help.

What’s the good news about atonement? Reconciliation!

Christ’s death and resurrection was far more than a blood sacrifice. It was a peace offering to a once estranged humankind, restoring us to a state of love, harmony, and oneness with God. Accept it and you’re not only forgiven—you’re free from the wages of sin. Death is defeated, and your eternal life starts today.

“For sin’s meager wages is death, but God’s lavish gift is life eternal, found in your union with our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One.”

Romans 6:23 TPT

The trauma-informed takeaway: God’s not mad at me.

I’m one with God, in Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

What’s the good news about purity? Restoration!

Pursuing purity allows God to reframe any perversions with the pure version of human sexuality—as a gift from him within the context of marriage. It’s not about perfection. It’s about an everlasting covenant of love and devotion that isn’t worth compromising for anything.

Yahweh promises you over and over:

“Though your sins stain you like scarlet, I will whiten them like bright, new-fallen snow! Even though they are deep red like crimson, they will be made white like wool!”

Isaiah 1:18b TPT

The trauma-informed takeaway: God’s not mad at me.

I can love purely because I am loved purely by God.

Wrath: A Grace-Laced Problem, Solved

Even in light of these trauma-informed, good-news-driven reorientations, we still have a problem. What do we do with God’s wrath in the light of grace?

Those of us with trauma might assume God’s holy, righteous anger is something we should be worried about—and afraid of. And yet, how does this assumption stack up against the kind, tender, merciful, loving, and gracious God we’ve come to know?

If God’s not mad at me… who, or perhaps what then is the object of his wrath?

Anything that creates the illusion of separation between you and him.

Make no mistake, the lies, behaviors, distractions, addictions, and idols we cling to do make God furious. Not at us, his beloveds, but at ungodliness and unrighteousness—the tired schemes of a most unoriginal enemy.

The Father wants you healed, whole, and free—living the abundant eternal life Christ died for you to have. And his wrath is toward anything that’s keeping you from it!

God’s not mad. Not at you, anyway. And that, my friend, is really good news.

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1. Eveson, P. (n.d.). The doctrine of justification. The Gospel Coalition. https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/essay/the-doctrine-of-justification/

2. Shiner, Rory. (2022, January 11). In my place condemned he stood: Penal substitutionary atonement. The Gospel Coalition,  Australia. https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/article/in-my-place-condemned-he-stood-penal-substitutionary-atonement/

3. Wikimedia Foundation. (2024, July 27). Purity Culture. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purity_culture#:~:text=to%20purity%20culture.-,History,the%20end%20of%20the%202000s.

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